Broken Toy
by BrigithBriice
Summary: In those moments, he felt everything -remembered everything. He was nothing but a broken, empty, toy.


**A/N** : Hello there, everyone, how are you guys doing?

Well, first things first: I have no idea where this story came from. Honestly, I can't even read drama fanfictions and yet, here I am, with a dark-themed, sad story to tell - Sorry :(

So, you are being warned from the start: **It's going to hurt**. And by that, I mean: **implied torture/rape, self-hatred** and all sort of things that I hate. Yes, I don't understand myself either.

On a last note: there is also going to be **slash** , lovey dovey, **male/male** smut (nothing too porny - I think), so, if you're uncomfortable with any of that don't read it. Seriously - I understand.

Now, let's begin:

* * *

 **Sudan, Middle East**

It was cold - wet. Water- or was it blood?

Pain, so much pain. And the time... It had been years since he last saw the sun, felt the warm, knew what it was like to be alive. Years... No, months. Days, maybe - hours?

Knifes, yes, very sharp - it hurt so much. And the smell... Was it iron? And... salt? Oh. It was blood, definitely blood - his own.

Darkness, pain, cold, pain... Hurt.

It was all his. That was his world - terrible sensations, emptiness... loneliness.

Yes.

That was exactly what it was.

He was in the dark. He was in pain, so much pain... And it was so _fucking_ cold, and it hurt like nothing before.

However, the thing that made him shiver was not the physical sensations, it was the undoubtful knowledge that he was, like he never were before, all alone.

* * *

 **Brecon Beacons, Wales**

The water was cold against his naked body. It chilled his entire being, making it hard to think of anything else other than how good it would be to go back home - where there was hot water in the shower, food everytime he wanted and, of course, friends... Not that poorly concealed hostility everywhere he went.

Taking a deep, resigned breath, Alex turned off the shower, resting his head against the not-so-cold-in-comparison tiles for a moment - trying to make the courage to face his "unit" once again.

"Do you think that was funny?" a cold, unmistakable voice asked behind him "What exactly were you trying to do, huh, _Cub_? Kill me?"

Alex sighed _,_ turning around and ignoring the fact that he was completely naked .

"No, _Sir_ " he replied, letting the sarcasm that he was keeping in for two weeks show in his voice "Even thought you hate me, I didn't wanted for you to get binned because of a stupid _fear of heights"_ he paused, staring at the angry expression on Wolf's face "Sorry if I bothered you while saving your fucking carreer"

The leader gritted his teeth and, just when Alex thought he would explode and - quite possibly - kill him, his expression melted into one of despair and confusion.

"Who the _hell_ are you, Cub?" he asked, steping into the shower box, cornering Alex " _Why are you here?"_

The blond smirked, looking at Wolf in defiance.

"You do realize I am naked, right?" he asked, suggestively "One step closer and I might just get aroused"

The man froze, widening his eyes and blushing furiously.

"Oh, god" whispered Cub, with understanding reaching his eyes "You... Do you really... have a crush on me?"

Wolf growled and, before Alex could do anything, he felt the man's hand on his throat, pressing roughly.

The boy looked, surprised, at the team leader, grabbing his hand and trying to get away - but it was useless, he was trapped. And then, suddenly, the pressure faded and, before he could react, there was warm lips pressing against his own.

He smiled against Wolf's mouth, thinking of how ironic the situation was. There he was, tangled with the man who had made his life hell for two weeks and, yet... The thought of leaving in the morning to - maybe - face his own death, made him stay where he was.

Alex didn't fought - he didn't wanted to - instead, he melted into the warm, hot and oh, so good, man's touch.

* * *

 **Sudan, Middle East**

Fire, burning - screaming. It was her -

No, no, no, it couldn't be her. It... It couldn't.

"It's all your fault" whispered a cold, mocking voice near him - too damn near him "All of it, Alex. Everything you touch... Everyone you love..."

Pain. Oh, there was so much pain... Fire? Maybe... He deserved that, after all...

"You are destruction, Rider. A curse... All you bring is death"

Pain. Darkness. Loneliness. Guilt.

* * *

 **French Alps, The Charity Hospital**

"I have to hand it to you, Cub" Wolf said with a shrug "I have no idea what the fuck you are doing here... if it's just a coincidence or what, but in any case, _snowboarding down a mountain on an ironing board?_ Honestly, when _I_ was seventeen, the only think I knew how to do was take care of my younger siblings"

Alex ignored the fact that the man didn't seemed to know about his age and occupation and, serious, asked:

"Why the hell did you do that?"

The brunette, who was lying confortably against his hospital bed, frowned - as if in confusion.

"Did what?"

The spy didn't reply, just kept on staring gravely at the man. Eventually, the leader granted, with a sigh:

"I was only doing my job"

Cub snorted

"Getting shot for a rich brat isn't your job" he said, angrily "You could've been killed, for fucks sake! How was I suppose to go on living knowing that a man that hates me dyed trying to save my fucking ass?"

"Well, you see..." the man smirked "It's just that I love your ass"

Alex narrowed his eyes and sighed.

"If you ever do something like that again, I swear to God, Wolf, I'm castrating you" he said with a serious voice while getting up and locking the door.

"What are you...?" the leader started to ask, alerted, but he was made silent by a - _very, very good_ \- kiss.

"I think you deserve a little stress relief" the blond said, lowering slowly his hand through the man's body.

"Cub..." Wolf warned with a hoarse voice, but was, once again, cut short.

"Shut it" Alex commanded "You know you want this"

And, as high on morphine as Wolf currently was, he couldn't help but to agree.

Yes _,_ he wanted it - no - he wanted _him_ , very, very much.

* * *

 **Sudan, Middle East**

Water - salt water. Tears? Yes, his tears.

"Oh, have I broken you?" that voice... that steel-cold voice, whispered in his ear. Cold... Cold fingers - they touched him... Disgust "That's only natural, I suppose. Every puppet has to be broken eventually"

More water - tears - and blood - always blood - pain - even more - pain.

"You can scream, you know" the voice whispered once again. The fingers passed through his hair - disgusting "No one is going to hear you... My broken... Broken cursed toy".

* * *

 **London, Brooklands Comprehensive**

"The druggie is back"

Sideways smiles.

"Look at his face! Gang fight, definitely"

Whispers.

"Drug dealing, obviously"

Mocking laughs.

"Thief"

Frowns.

"Murderer?"

Fear.

"Retarded..."

Whispers.

"Insane"

Laughs. Whispers. Whispers...

"Alex!" called Tom, waving at him with a gigantic smile on his face. It was real - not mocking, not ironic, just a real, normal, smile... Like the ones he once though were for granted "How are you doing?" the blue-eyed brunette asked as soon as they were closer "Nice shiner, by the way"

The spy smiled sheepishly.

"Yes, well, I'm still prettier than you" he replied, walking towards the classroom "Just maybe not as popular"

Tom laughed, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, right. Everytime you come back there is no other topic around here other than the 'druggie Rider'" the boy stated, nonchalantly.

Alex snorted.

"I feel like an animal in a freaking zoo" he complained, frowning.

"Oh, well, everyone wants to see the lion, mate" Tom retorted, with a casual shrug.

The blond boy looked at his - remaining, only - friend like he had gone insane.

"I'm not a lion"

With a smirk that generally meant trouble, Harris replied:

"Oh, don't worry. Every Cub has to grow up eventually"

* * *

 **Sudan, Middle East**

"Oh, I could _ruin_ you" the voice whispered "But how can I, when you have such a pretty face?"

Fear... Cold... Darkness.

"However, there is something that I _really, really_ want and yet... You're not giving it to me"

Knife... Pain... Salt water... Red.

Silence.

"Your voice, my toy" the cold, disgusting fingers again "I _am_ going to listen to your voice... Your screaming, terrified voice... Just like I listened you scream when you saw that red-haired bitch burn"

Pain... Disgust... Darkness... Loneliness... Guilt.

Silence.

* * *

 **London, Chelsea**

"You did _what?_ " she asked, astonished "How older is he again?"

Alex shrugged, while eating a piece of pizza.

"Doesn't matter, Jack" he replied, honestly."It's not like we're gonna get married or something"

The red-haired woman frowned.

"But, Alex... That was supposed to be something special for you..." she trailed off, looking depressed at the last piece of pizza.

The blond boy refrained a sigh. He could never, _never_ tell, but the ' _special occasion'_ had been stolen from him long, long ago. It was depressing, really, but Wolf was, he assumed, the gentlest man he had ever been with.

"Well..." Jack resumed, after sometime "Was he nice, at least?"

Alex smirked, shrugging.

"He was... After I kicked him out of a plane"

Jack let her pizza fall in the plate.

"You did _what?"_

* * *

 **Sudan, Middle East**

 _"_ You are a pretty one, that's true" disgust, disgust, disgust "But why would _anyone_ want such a broken toy? A cursed one, at that?"

Truth... Hurt... Truth... Pain...

 _Why?  
_

* * *

 **San Francisco, EUA**

"Alex!" Sabina screamed as she ran towards him, pulling him into a tight hug, one that, it seemed, she was not willing to ever end "Everything is going to be alright, Alex... We're here for you... We'll face everything together"

The spy hugged her back with all the strength he had - he didn't want that moment to end.

He buried his head in her neck - warm, comfortable...

Safe.

* * *

 **Sudan, Middle East**

"Jack, it was her name, huh?" the voice asked, bringing more pain "She loved you... That poor, silly thing. Didn't she know what a cursed toy you are? And now... She's dead - because of you"

Pain... Disgust... Cold... Darkness...

"Oh, but let's not stop there" the voice continued mockingly "After all, he wasn't the only one cursed by this broken, cursed, toy, right, Alex?"

Salt water... Fear... Loneliness... Guilt.

"You know it now, I've told you" the voice continued - cold, sharp, unfeeling "Tom, Sabina and her parents, Fox and... Wolf, was it?"

Pain... Pain... Pain...

" _All dead"_ the voice laughed with disdain "And all because they made the _terrible, terrible_ mistake of caring for a _useless, broken, cursed toy_ like yourself"

Darkness... What it was like to see the light? Years... months... days... hours?

Pain... Unbearable, unbearable pain... Always getting worse, always there.

Fear... So much, _so much fear_.

Cold... There wasn't any more warm in the world - just cold, always cold.

Guilt... It _was his fault_. That was the truth... The naked, painful truth.

Loneliness... Yes, he was _all alone_.

A toy - nothing more than that. He was a broken, cursed, empty - _empty -_ toy.

He closed his eyes for a moment - _nothing_ \- it didn't mattered anymore.

"Let me har it, Alex" the voice demanded " _Let me hear it!"_

 _"_ Kill me" the blond boy pleaded, with a hoarse voice "Please, please... _kill me"_

There was a sound - a pocket knife being opened, like he had heard many times before.

"Why?" asked the voice, calmly "Why should I kill you?"

The cold end of a blade was touching his exposed neck - finally, it was going to be over.

"I am... just a toy" Alex replied, his throat hurting from the lack of water, the lack of use of his own voice "I was never alive to begin with"

Those cold fingers touched his hair once again - Nothing.

Tired - he was so, _so tired_.

He closed his eyes.

Still... Silence.

Still... He was _all alone._

* * *

 ** _A/N:_** So, yeah. You see... those were flickets of Alex life during and after the books. The second scene, just so we're clear, would've happened in the last day - night, more likely - Cub spend at Brecon Beacons, right after he pushed Wolf out of that plane.

The hospital scene would be right after they invaded Point Blanc, so Wolf would be injured and - I believe - put in the hospital for a least a short period of time. And yes, the name of the hospital is completely fake :p'

So... Questions, remarks, hate comments? I'm all ears, folks - review!

Kisses,

Bri.


End file.
